| 19 February 2010
Welcome to WTF Friday!
It’s been a long week, so it’s time to reclaim your sanity and start the weekend off on the lighter side of life. Every Friday, I bring you a true story that will leave you asking (as we say in the Unscripted family) “WTF mate?!?” In case you don’t know what “WTF” means, let’s just pretend it’s “What we’re they thinking?” Hopefully, this news will you make you realize just how sane you are or at least make you feel better about your own circumstances! (Never ever use any of these stories as inspiration for your own devious plans. I’ll give you a hint… they never turn out well, so save yourself the trouble!)
In this economy we all find ourselves cutting corners to save money, but some things can't be sacrificed. For instance, if you're planning to rob a bank, retail establishment or someone's home, you probably shouldn't go for the cheap disguise. Just ask these guys, two men from Iowa who were arrested for allegedly attempting to rob an apartment.
I first found the story on DumbCriminals.com, but the original story comes from The Smoking Gun (or more like the cardboard gun if these two geniuses decided to attempt armed robbery. The Sharpie Avengers got me thinking this morning about what other stupid things criminals should avoid doing if they don't want to get caught.
Here's Unscripted Life's list of the top five things you should never do if you're thinking about committing a crime... unless you don't know any better or want to get caught.
1. Avoid homemade disguises. When possibly facing jail time, thrifty should not be in your vocabulary. Dig deep into those pockets for a ski mask BEFORE attempting the robbery.
2. Always ask "does anyone need to go to the bathroom" before leaving to commit your crime.
You would think this practice should be in our DNA since we've been asked this question since preschool, but this issue must have slipped the mind of a man attempting of steal copper wiring from a pizzeria in Stroudsburg, Pa.
The man suddenly had the urge to go "number two" after entering the business, but instead of taking time to look for a bathroom he just decided to defecate in a barrel of leftover grease. The entire incident was caught on video, because of course Mr. Thinks-ahead didn't notice the security cameras shooting his every move from above. To make matters worse, he tripped over the bucket before leaving spilling its contents onto the floor. Although the chemical evidence is certainly there, I doubt the police will need CSI to solve this one.
3. Plan your getaway route ahead of time.
Let's face it, after a looting is not the time to ask for directions. Two men in Germany learned that hard way when they were arrested after stopping to ask a cop instead of investing in a map of the area. To make matters worse, the Lost Brothers stored some of their stolen goods in eye-sight of the gun-toting, handcuff carrying police officer.
4. Print very clearly or, better yet, just type out your threat.
Yet another elementary school lesson that could have saved this would-be bank robber from if not time behind bars, at least some embarrassment.
An Oregon woman handed a bank teller a note that read: "Need $300 or I'll kill you. I'm serious," according to the AP. But the teller couldn't read the woman's handwriting.
Captain Chicken Scratch must have really needed that $300, because instead of taking the sign from God and leaving, she stepped away to rewrite the note. Of course she was arrested before the robbery could take place.
5. If you are going to commit a crime, don't do it with a gun that doesn't belong to you.
A cook in a Statesville, N.C., Pizza Hut got the upper hand in an attempted armed robbery after wrestling the gun away from the masked robber. You'd think simply having the criminal's weapon would give you advantage enough, but in this case the attacker began pleading with the cook to give him the gun back because it didn't belong to him.
Happy WTF Friday! Remember to live on the light side of life this weekend, you deserve it! Thank you DumbCriminals.com for the inspiration.
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