Part 1: The Look...

Written by Ivy | 06 April 2011

It's hard to believe that four years ago today, Speedy was born. In those four years, I haven't thought a lot about the dramatic events leading up to his birth. It's been a whirlwind of activity and learning and basic childlike busyness. So today I thought I'd revisit it all and share the story with you. Writing this series of posts has been such a reminder of how much of a blessing my son really is, and how even the fact that he's here is a miracle.

Part 1: The Look...

I still remember the concern on my doctor's face as he measured my stomach.

"Hmm," Dr. Tony said under his breath as he placed the measuring tape on my opposite side and once again stretched it across my belly.

He quickly checked the chart, then gently pressed around my belly looking for my baby's head before measuring for a third time.

"I don't think this is anything really, but I'm going to send you down for an ultrasound because you're measuring a bit small," he said with the slightest concern in his voice.

I was 36 weeks pregnant. This was the first time, in a pregnancy full of problems that started with full-blown contractions at 24 weeks, I had ever seen that look in my doctor's face.

It was also the first time I truly worried, because my source of confidence had just let down his guard.

As I waited for the ultrasound tech, I tried to calm myself in the empty patient room. "Babies always run small in my family. There is nothing to worry about, you just heard his heartbeat. Oh God, please don't let there be anything wrong. We've made it through so much. Please don't let there be anything wrong."

What a time to be alone.

The doctor came back in. "Just a few more minutes, then we'll get you in for the ultrasound. I just wanted to tell you, everything is fine. This is just a precaution, okay?"

Subduing pregnancy emotions, I nodded and thanked him. Dr. Tony always knew what to say, but I had already seen that look and he knew it.

"I'll call you this evening after I have the radiologist take a look, he's the expert," he said with a smile. "Hopefully they'll be able to get some good pictures of the baby for you to take home."

The ultrasound was as medically traditional as they come... measurement after measurement.

"Can you tell me what they are looking for?" I asked the ultrasound tech.

"Honestly, no. Everything looks good to me, but I'm not the doctor," she said, not actually making eye contact.

I took the very terrible pictures of my baby home and spent the rest of the afternoon and evening waiting to hear something.

It was the Thursday before Easter, and all I could think about was the long weekend my doctor was taking...