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There is a story I once read online from a Kansas State Highway Patrol Officer. The story goes like this:

I made a traffic stop on an elderly lady the other day for speeding on U.S. 166 Eastbound at Mile Marker 73 just East of Sedan, KS. I asked for her driver's license, registration, and proof of insurance. The lady took out the required information and handed it to me.

In with the cards I was somewhat surprised, due to her advanced age, to see she had a conceal carry permit. I looked at her and asked if she had a weapon in her possession at this time.

She responded that she indeed have a .45 automatic in her glove box. Something, body language or the way she said it, made me want to ask if she had any other firearms. She did admit to also having a 9mm Glock in her center console.

Now I had to ask one more time if that was all. She responded once again that she did have just one more, a .38 special in her purse.

I then asked her what was she so afraid of.

She looked me right in the eye and said, "Not a damn thing!"

You know we all should live like this... but not because we have unlimited gun power at our fingertips.

Think about the things you fear in life. It's not the stuff that keeps you up at night - the boogie man under the bed or the monster in the closet - that necessarily hold you back.

Fears of stuff is actually pretty easy to handle. I'll use myself as an example. When it comes to the things that truly terrify me, I've always taken them head on. For as long as I can remember, I have always been afraid to die in a fire. So, I became a certified firefighter. I have fought fires head on (literally in this case), but I have also learned the real dangers and how to handle them.

Tangible fears can be dealt with head on. If you are afraid of heights, go stand on something high and look down. It may not get you over your fear, but it will help you know you can handle it.

But what about the intangible fears... the stuff that you can't define. That's the stuff that truly holds us back.

It's so intangible that you can't really even name it.

Failure often comes to mind. We've all failed. So we can't truly be afraid of that. Look around that word. What does failure mean to you? What would failure look like in your life?

To me, the only way I could really fail in life is to hurt my husband or my son. True failure would also be disappointing God. But how would I do those things?

As you can tell, I've really been thinking about this subject a lot. The easiest way to hurt my husband or son is to not fully be here in life, to not live. And disappointing God? Well Pastor Steven Furtick, of Elevation Church, really summed that one up for me the other day.

"God knows you’re going to fail. That thing you did yesterday: Jesus already knew you were going to do it before you did it. The same with the thing you did today, and the thing you’ll do tomorrow."

So if God already knows what I'm going to fail, how can I disappoint him? Disappointment comes with surprise right? If you knew someone was going to do something, then you wouldn't be disappointed.

Pastor Furtick summed it up perfectly:

"That might sound scary at first, but it should actually encourage you. God knows about it already, has known about it from eternity, but He hasn’t given up on you. So why have you given up on yourself?"

It's a good question. Let me put it another way. What is it again that we're all so afraid of?

"It's not a highlight reel, it's a preview."
~ Pastor Steven Furtick, Elevation Church.

Code Orange Revival from Elevation Church on Vimeo.

So one of my biggest goals this year is to finally get to my goal weight. I have 30 pounds to go, and I want to get there before my birthday in May.

I've found it hard though to not get overwhelmed. I'm no where close to where I want to be, but I'm a lot closer than I was last year at this time. It's still a strange place to be... and part of me is kind of afraid I can't do it.

I've started to fill my head with images of nearly perfect women. I'm trying to remind myself that most of the images out there are unattainable.

So I have a new plan: 

Fotoshop by Adobé from Jesse Rosten on Vimeo.

This morning, I went to weather.com, to see whether or not I'm taking a small road trip today (jury is still out), when I found this video.

It caught my attention because I've developed a strange new obsession with lions. The obsession started with my new iMac. You see, I have a strange rule that the desktop image must represent my operating system. On my MacBook the OS was called Tiger (my favorite animal), now the OS is called Lion. In case you're wondering, I named the lion that runs my computer King Arthur. My desktop is on a rotation of lion images. The constant view of regal lion images has made me really appreciate the beauty of this animal.

When I saw an image of a little girl staring down a lion at a zoo, I had to watch. The mom in me and the new lion enthusiast in me couldn't turn away.

It has cute moments and there is some laughter. But if you think of this video from the lion's perspective, it's quite horrifying. I don't know what you think, but I think the lion wanted her for lunch.

One of my goals in 2012 is to finally reach my goal weight. I lost 39 pounds last year, and I WILL lose the last 30 this year. So I've been searching for inspiration to keep me focused. I've got a whole lot of photos of skinny women, outfits I want to wear, shoes I want to buy to reward myself, even bikinis I've longed to be in.

With each image I saved, I seemed to be less motivated. Then I found this:

Katie-Halchishick

This image was originally posted in Oprah magazine. It shows what a woman would have to have "altered" to look like Barbie.

It's crazy, right?

But it is just crazy enough to inspire me to stop beating myself up. Here is a very attractive woman who would have to have over half her body cut off to be "perfect." 

Yeah... this is just what I needed!